McAllen Senior AdvisorWhat are the signs that a parent living alone needs more help?
Common signs are missed medications, spoiled food or weight loss, unpaid bills, bruises or falls that are not mentioned, unwashed clothes, a car with new dents, and a home that is messier or more cluttered than it used to be.
Visit at different times of day and open the refrigerator and the mail. A parent who seems fine on a Sunday afternoon with family around may be struggling on a Tuesday morning alone. Ask their doctor's office whether appointments have been missed.
What help can a parent get at home in the Valley?
Hidalgo County families can combine a licensed attendant agency for bathing and housework, a licensed adult day (DAHS) center for weekday supervision and meals, Medicare home health for skilled needs, home-delivered meals, and a medical alert device.
Hidalgo County has 130 licensed adult day (DAHS) centers and 257 agencies licensed only for personal assistance, plus 126 home health agencies that also provide attendant care. For a parent with Medicaid, a STAR+PLUS service coordinator can authorize attendant hours and adult day attendance. For a parent without it, the Area Agency on Aging of the Lower Rio Grande Valley ((956) 682-3481) can connect them with meals, homemaker help and caregiver support when funding allows.
How do we start the conversation with a parent?
Start with a specific worry rather than a plan, such as the fall last month or the missed heart pills, ask what they want, and offer the smallest change that solves the problem, like an attendant two mornings a week or trying an adult day center.
In many Valley families the conversation includes several siblings, and sometimes a parish priest or a trusted doctor. Agreeing among siblings first, about who visits, who manages money and who talks to doctors, makes the talk with a parent calmer.
When is living alone no longer safe?
When a parent cannot call for help after a fall, leaves the stove on, wanders, cannot manage medications even with reminders, or needs help at night that no one can provide, living alone has stopped being safe even with daytime help.
At that point the options are moving in with family, a family member moving in, 24-hour attendant coverage, assisted living or a nursing home. In Hidalgo County, where assisted living is scarce, many families choose a relative's home with daytime attendants and adult day care.
Sources: Texas Health and Safety Code ch. 247 and 242; 26 TAC chapters 553, 554, 558 and 559; HHSC directories, TULIP and handbooks; CMS; CareScout; VA rate tables, as cited above. See our editorial standards.
